Out in the Heat

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Birthday picnics are always nice. The heat’s relaxing, the place we’re at has a pool just yards away, and there’s so. much. food.
But it’s not like happy moments can be created without effort. Everyone was stressful because we were late and there was traffic and I had to carry a lot of food and supplies, plus the wind is strong and everything kept getting blown away. ._.
Plus the bees. No. STOP INVADING OUR FOOD!
But aside from that, everything is going smoothly. Nobody died, and I’m sure the 1-year-old birthday boy is having fun! c:

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It wasn’t that great

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Before school started, unlike most other students who would groan at the very thought of the summer ending, I was actually excited (but nervous at the same time.) I mean, as I stated previously, I could finally be productive and see my friends again, as well as kind of reorganizing myself and not wasting as much time as I did in the summer. I was anticipating the beginning of the school year.

But now that school is back in session, I realized just how “nope” those hopes were.

In turns out that I had forgotten that I’m a total mess when it comes to certain social situations, specifically first and second periods. During first period I never had the courage to raise my hand for even simple “raise your hand if you ____” questions, and I was just… existing in the class, rather than being in an actual participating member. In second period, my phone got a notification on full volume (curse you, WordPress app!), inciting the glances of others, today I forgot to do this contact information sheet, and in general I just acted strange and (I hate this word) awkward. Thank god I have a very cool and friendly teacher, so hopefully she’ll put up with me.

But throughout these dark periods of mine I realized two things, one of them being that I’m way too dependent on others. Whenever I’m alone in the mornings or so, I hide out of plain view and/or mindlessly walk from corner to corner of the quad just like “what am I supposed to do?” It’s only when I spot one of my close friends when I snap out of my mindless trance and release the inner, weird Andre. I am surprised that my friends haven’t completely abandoned me due to my clinginess.

The other thing I realized is that during situations like above, where my best friends are nowhere to be found, or I just feel really uncomfortable, I put on this antisocial, stoic facade that makes me unapproachable to everyone. While putting on that persona, I pay less attention, I’m distant, and just out of it (yes, I know that those all are similar in meaning.)

But to break that shell of mine, (wow this is basically the exact same thing as the other reason above, I’m sorry) I need a person easy to talk to/engaging at my side. This allows me to release the inner weird Andre – I must feel comfortable. Basically, antisocial Andre = I feel uncomfortable, and crazy Andre = I’m comfortable around you.

And slightly drifting from that topic, I still don’t know why I’m even in Drama when I’m too nervous to volunteer for a simple acting practice game-thing. Since I auditioned and got into Drama, I should be super okay with performing (lying, in this case) in front of other people. But nope, I’m too shy. I don’t feel right speaking or performing for a crowd (speaking especially, since for some reason I’m horrible at translating thoughts into verbal words). *sigh* I really hope I can get used to it, so I don’t make a fool of myself on stage when the time comes.

TL;DR my first two days of school weren’t that great, but it wasn’t completely horrible.

Signed,
Andre

Who needs witty titles?

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It appears that today is the end of an era/2 month long break. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be starting school again, and will resume the daily grind of having to go to school each day. Of course, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as you know, knowledge is power and hey – at least I’ll be able to do something productive!

I’m actually excited for the next school year, as there are some faces that I haven’t seen since June that I really want to reconnect with, and like, talk to each other about how we did absolutely-positively-nothing this summer. I really miss everyone.

Also, I’m really really sorry that I haven’t updated in such a long period of time. My life has recently become preoccupied with such laborious tasks, such as watching anime, fangirling over anime, crying over fan art and fanfictions – just typical Andre stuff. I promise that I’ll post more often in the coming school year so please don’t get mad at me please please please.

Anyways, I really need to sleep. I haven’t even adjusted to my “normal” sleep schedule yet, and right now it’s past midnight already. *sigh* Sleeping early is a pain.

You Alone

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You Alone

the reservoir of
ink that travels
down the nib
emanating black
and blue puddles
tattooing the
paper, running
meaningless cursive
and symbols
I don’t even
un
der
stand.
nobody does
not even me,
or the music
pulsing through
my ears
that travel
through my
arms and
flow through
the beads of
melancholic, angered,
stressed, excited
sweat, coating
my fingers
with raw
and uncontained
passion, that
manifests in
the scribbles
scrawled onto
this second
skin that’s like
another
part
of
me
that refuses
to be restrained
by
Conventions or
Grammar.
these are
just words
that somehow
happen to
have a little
key thing
called
Meaning.
these characters
painted
with ink
are only
defined by
You
and

You alone.

(I wrote this a couple days ago, and not even I understand certain parts. I just threw words onto a piece of paper and decided “hey, I guess it looks like poetry” and decided to upload it, so it’s kind of meaningless, I guess. Oh well, hope you enjoyed it.)

Mine Alone

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One word

is worth a single teardrop

smearing the ink with a part of me

a droplet not to be wasted

its language priceless in and of itself

but only I understand my words

how they are meant to be read

no one can decipher my meaning

my encryptions inked into my skin

sinking deeper until

I am one with my words

A Cool Site for Brainstorming (with others)

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A Cool Site for Brainstorming (with others)

RIght now I’m kind of in my “ugh I need ideas” mood. Well, I have ideas floating in my head, but for me it’s hard to lay them on paper. For me, it’s also easier to write down ideas and spark even better ideas when pouring it out to a friend (or victim, if you interpret it that way.)

But one limitation for me with that necessity is that your friend is probably not with you at the moment, and is probably at home doing nothing or something like that. Also, it’s kind of hard to text people about it, and messages on the computer are lame.

What I find interesting about this program is that you can just spill out all of your ideas and thoughts onto a document, as if there’s no restrictions or anything. You can just let it all out, which is pretty cool. And you can invite more than one person, so you can torture even more people with your ideas!

But in all seriousness, I’d recommend using this website next time you want to tell a friend your ideas for a story or anything. It’s very helpful, and in fact I’m using it right now!

Signed,

Andre

Song Obsessions

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I love listening to music. Whenever I’m in one of my certain moods, music is there to accompany me and eventually calm me down – it’s very helpful. Not only that, but music is interesting in and of itself, though I still don’t know how to “tame” it by playing an instrument, which I regret.

However, there are times when a certain song just becomes an earworm and I just cannot stop listening to it no matter what. While playing it over and over and over again provides the satisfaction I need, after the umpteenth time of hearing it, it just becomes… dull. See, that’s what I hate about catchy songs – you listen to them repeatedly until you just can’t comprehend why you used to like it. It becomes a waste of a melody and lyrics.

I just hope the fate of the current song I’m obsessing over won’t turn out like this. (It’s My Dearest by Supercell, by the way. It’s a really good song!)